“That was what made traveling appeal to him that he always made new friends, and he didn’t need to spend all of his time with them. When someone sees the same people every day, as had happened with him at the seminary, they wind up becoming part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change.”
This is a very pessimistic view of society. At one time I used to believe this is true. But when you love someone, you love someone for the reasons that they are that person. Should you change that person, you may not love that person again.
I think it’s a very dangerous path way to try to change someone into something that you believe to be a better person, when you truly love that person as they are. I think there is a difference between trying to help someone become a better version of themselves, versus trying to help someone become the better version YOU believe they should be for YOUR own sake.
Good or bad, I believe that I was parented very well. My dad could give two shits about what I do for a living. All that mattered to him was that I was happy. When I told him that I was going to college, he didn’t care as long as that’s what I wanted to do. Because when that’s the case, that’s what he wanted me to do. When I quit jobs and started new ones, he didn’t care as long as I was happy. When I got married, and then divorced, he only cared that I was doing what I thought was right for me. That’s love. That’s not trying to change someone.
My mom is the opposite. She will try to interject herself into what she feels is best for me because she wants me to be happy and believes that by interjecting herself that it will hall me become happy.
I have always been my own person, so I usually brush off anyone or thing that starts to take control away from my decisions…u less it is something that is prioritized over the decisions that I make.
For instance, I had a good job, not a job I loved because it wasn’t challenging for me, but a good job. Great pay, great benefits, tons of vacation time, but I wanted more. My family is a priority, but so is happiness. I wouldn’t have been happy had I stated because it became the same thing day in and day out. I needed to change.
I made that change and it was a poor decision in hindsight. The change was right, but the way it happened and the preparedness that I had for the cha he was poor. I don’t regret making the decision, even though my wife cautioned me at the time, because I would’ve been in a great job for the wrong reasons.
I am really happy now.
It’s easy to not to want to change someone when there is nothing but love for that someone. Once there is anything other than love for the person in front of you, the thoughts of “I wish you would…” start to rise in your head. These thoughts can become powerful and take the place of the love that was once there. Unchallenged, resent sets in and love is but memory.
All I want is for people to be happy. It’s a byproduct of my parenting and my experiences.
These passages can be found in this book, which I highly recommend.
“That was what made traveling appeal to him that he always made new friends, and he didn’t need to spend all of his time with them. When someone sees the same people every day, as had happened with him at the seminary, they wind up becoming part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change.”
This is a very pessimistic view of society. At one time I used to believe this is true. But when you love someone, you love someone for the reasons that they are that person. Should you change that person, you may not love that person again.
I think it’s a very dangerous path way to try to change someone into something that you believe to be a better person, when you truly love that person as they are. I think there is a difference between trying to help someone become a better version of themselves, versus trying to help someone become the better version YOU believe they should be for YOUR own sake.
Good or bad, I believe that I was parented very well. My dad could give two shits about what I do for a living. All that mattered to him was that I was happy. When I told him that I was going to college, he didn’t care as long as that’s what I wanted to do. Because when that’s the case, that’s what he wanted me to do. When I quit jobs and started new ones, he didn’t care as long as I was happy. When I got married, and then divorced, he only cared that I was doing what I thought was right for me. That’s love. That’s not trying to change someone.
My mom is the opposite. She will try to interject herself into what she feels is best for me because she wants me to be happy and believes that by interjecting herself that it will hall me become happy.
I have always been my own person, so I usually brush off anyone or thing that starts to take control away from my decisions…u less it is something that is prioritized over the decisions that I make.
For instance, I had a good job, not a job I loved because it wasn’t challenging for me, but a good job. Great pay, great benefits, tons of vacation time, but I wanted more. My family is a priority, but so is happiness. I wouldn’t have been happy had I stated because it became the same thing day in and day out. I needed to change.
I made that change and it was a poor decision in hindsight. The change was right, but the way it happened and the preparedness that I had for the cha he was poor. I don’t regret making the decision, even though my wife cautioned me at the time, because I would’ve been in a great job for the wrong reasons.
I am really happy now.
It’s easy to not to want to change someone when there is nothing but love for that someone. Once there is anything other than love for the person in front of you, the thoughts of “I wish you would…” start to rise in your head. These thoughts can become powerful and take the place of the love that was once there. Unchallenged, resent sets in and love is but memory.
All I want is for people to be happy. It’s a byproduct of my parenting and my experiences.
Link to book
Vince Gutierrez, PT, DPT, cert.MDT
Movementthinker.org
815-210-4869